Ramblings Of A Pastor's Wife
So sometimes I get a little weary...of not meeting people's expectations of me as a Minister, of the amount of effort it takes to do it all and my halo gets a little crooked. Do you ever just have a day…you know those days. When you just wanna be a real person, say it like it is, punch someone because they are stupid or not pretend to be perfect? All people in Ministry have those days. Why? Well because, wait for it, we are real people!!!!! There I said it!
What in the world is that thing, that expectation we tend to put onto ministers that they are this elite group of people, other than human, prototypes for the final version of perfect humanity. Whatever that is it seriously bugs the living daylights out of me. Because all of us and especially me are about as normal and flawed as it gets people. Sorry to burst your bubble and all but dang.
Trust me when I say we are all simply trying to do our best with what we feel God has asked us to do. We will never do it perfectly or right, because what is "right" for one person may not be for another. So trying to please everyone is a pretty impossible task. But we try.
Whatever pedestal you have placed any minister/pastor/whoever on we are bound to disappoint. People all come from the same pile of dirt. We are all on a level playing field with different titles, jobs and responsibilities. If you have put someone on a pedestal God will be obligated to knock them off for you to see He is the One and only One worthy to be there.
I can’t speak for everyone in ministry but I would say a lot of us never chose this life. It.is.a.calling. If it was a choice I probably wouldn’t be here. I never asked, wanted or dreamed of this life. But…God knows I love people, and desire to help them so if this calling is the way God chooses for me to do that then so be it.
Having said that, lets just chat. Having established the fact ministers are human beings, it can be assumed we can be hurt, we feel (more deeply than I’d like to admit) we bleed. We struggle to forgive, to turn the other cheek and to smile while we secretly want to flip people off. We are all on our way, learning as we go but no one has arrived I guarantee you.
I would love to just walk out this thing called life BESIDE you not in front of you, with you not apart from you. I need you as much as you need me. Vulnerability at it’s best right there. I need people to accept me faults and all, forgive me because I will step in it and mess up, and tell me how to serve you best. Umm we don’t read minds either, sorry.
We all try our best to do this job but it’s not easy. People have funny ideas about ministry, what it is and isn’t. So let’s assume you don’t know everything about it that you may think you do. There’s a huge learning curve here. When we were at our first few churches and I was trying to navigate this role with no communication as to the expectations of said role, I thought…isn’t there some sort of manual for this job or something, Pastoring for Dummies?!?! I mean what am I supposed to DO exactly?!?!
I’m not sure any of us know for certain. But we do try to figure it out best we can. A little grace for that would be helpful. Why am I saying all of this? Well for one, we just need to be transparent and honest, and two, if I don’t say it you don’t know because you don’t read minds either.
When I gave my life to Jesus at the age of 15, all I ever wanted was to be the best version of a Christian I could be, to love God and to please Him in every way with every part of my life. I’ve been at this for 42 years and have made monumental mistakes and failed a bunch of times. I fail people and let them down, but never intentionally. But…I’m still here, still pressing toward the goal, still trying my best.
Isn’t our best all that anyone can do? No one sets out to fail or do it wrong. We just learn by trying. I want to see people pull each other up not put each other down, care not expect, love not judge. So as I continue to learn to be a better Pastor’s wife and Pastor I’m asking for grace for my journey and I’m promising to give you grace for yours.
Romans 5:2 ESV, “Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope…”